Twas some weeks until Xmas and all through my brain
Sweet visions of presents are keeping me sane…
Lacoste bathrobe On sale $69.99 at macys.com
This gal don’t wear kerchiefs, long nightgowns or caps,
I wander in robes and in them I nap.
Ron Swanson mug $14 nbcuniversalstore.com
And when I arise, my head needs a hug,
the gift of caffeine in a Ron Swanson mug!
Pore-clearing charcoal mask $23 sephora.com
I then check the mirror and step back with appall.
Please give me the skin of a porcelain doll.
Peter Pan collar tee Asos $52 asos.com
Away to my closet, I look like a wretch!
— A Peter Pan collar could make more fetch…
Kat Von D Painted Love lipstick in celebutard or Agatha mod pink $19 sephora.com
I’d put on some lipstick, I’d brighten my pout,
but my last favorite shade is in Rupert’s* fat snout.
The Queer Art of Failure by Judith Halberstam $15.61 amazon.com
So, less thoughts of makeup; let’s plump up my mind!
Rethinking losing in this book I’ll find.
“No Regrets” Cameo Necklace $30 fab.com
And to round out the wishlist of this weary-boned plodder
A cameo necklace…just a little bit…odder.
Or. . .
Make me a drink or sing me a song
Or hug me quite tightly or bring me along
On a sleigh ride adventure, or to a wrestling fight,
Just don’t leave me lonely on Xmas eve night.
Enjoy your roast beast, hold your weird family dear,
Happy Idling times and I’ll see you next year!
—
* Rupert is my dachshund and he ate my favorite Kat Von D lipstick. For reals.
—
Ana Holguin writes PopHeart for The Idler.