The first round of the State Farm Home Run Derby lasted two hours. Despite running 3 miles in the gross humidity just before it started, I decided to tweet it — I toweled off first.
Between my own disgusting scent and the presence of the vile Chris Berman (on television — not in my home), I was a little cranky. Not Joe Buck is on cranky, but close.
A selection of tweets, below. You can go check my Twitter feed for everything — including the duds I edited out to make it appear that I am a 1.000 hitter when it comes to the funny. Instead of, you know, .500.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Chris Berman is wearing the douche uniform: navy blazer, khaki pants. #YoureWithMeLeather
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
I used to have serious lust for Nomar. That’s all dead after his genius observation of HR derby dude: I noticed they were sweating.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Apparently Chris Berman gets his ties the same place Garth Brooks used to buy his shirts. Someone alert Clinton Kelly!
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Cal Ripken’s head got fat. #SeriousNogginWeightGain
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
I stand corrected, apparently that’s Prince’s son. Good on Prince for not naming his kid, um, Prince. #OrCecil
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Hey is that Big Pun in the bullpen? On the rascal?
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Um, these jerseys are ugly. Like Courtney Love in 1993 ugly. Without the heroin to blame.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Husband: Those kids do NOT know how to track a ball. #ToughCrowd #ButSeriouslyFirstStepBackKid
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Is Berman calling bombs or porn? He needs to dial down the orgasmo. #SwamiSaysYouCreepMeOut
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Husband wants to see a pitcher’s home run derby. I bet Cliff Lee would win that, too, unless Mike Hampton un-retired.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Matt Holliday, those shoes are HOTT. I want them for myself.
mario_impemba Mario Impemba
by motheroflight
Apparently there are more announcers than contestants in the home run derby. #toomanypeopletalkingatonce
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Yadi should be a starting pitcher. #ThingsJimLeylandIsThinking
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Curtis has a future after baseball. Love that kid. Great voice, too. #StillStruckOutTooMuchInDetroitTho
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Very helpful of Berman to remember to announce the sponsor of the sign Cano hits. #ThisHitBroughtToYouByMoney
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
A whole lotta Marcus Thames out there. RT @sportspickle: The kids in the outfield field like a bunch of future DHs.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Ok, it’s a plaid jacket, striped shirt and candy cane tie. If Berman’s personality matched his clothing…I would still wanna hit him.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Do you think Cano’s dad is really giving Papi good stuff to hit? Gotta be honest — if my kid was in it, too, I’d throw junk.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Big Papi = Big Pop Up.
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
HONEST ANSWER to how it felt to be named an All-Star: not great, because like 150 people made the team. #fb #GettingTheMilkForFree
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Seriously, we’re talking about Justin Upton like the Home Run Derby MATTERS? Oh, god, they actually believe it matters. #fb
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Prince Fielder just mercifully tried to shut Berman up. He’s definitely my favorite now. Well, NL favorite. #StillLoveYaCabby
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Side note: I ran a quick three miles before the Derby, and I smell TERRIBLE. Hitting the showers after this round.
fakPlasticSpenc Adam Spencer
by motheroflight
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: Lot of prayers for “Please make Chris Berman choke on his microphone” right now. Interesting. For you @motheroflight
motheroflight AngelaVasquezGiroux
Even I only have so much to say about Berman before I want to hit myself. It’s the transitive douche property.